Cleaning House

I had a cleaning fest at my house recently.  I have family coming to visit, and I want my house to be looking nice when they come.  As I was rushing to vacuum and dust between loads of laundry, I realized it was time to feed my son.  At first, I was irritated that I had to stop in the middle of my cleaning rampage.  But, as I sat down on my couch, I realized how nice it was to take a break.  (Maybe this is why God invented breast feeding!)

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how God wants us to take a break.  He wants us to clear away the clutter in our lives so we can focus on him.  My own mom set a great example for me.  She was always the first one out of bed in the morning so she had her own quiet time to read her Bible.  I like to read my Bible at night to help me relax with God’s word.  My husband has shown me that asking God to help me stay awake before I start reading is a great idea.

I’ve also started running again.  And I’ve found that this is a good time for me to pray.  I have time to think of the people in my life and say a quick prayer of thanks for them or to ask God to be with them.  An added bonus is that it distracts me from my sore muscles!

Some days it’s hard for moms to get a break (or even go to the bathroom).  I pray that we never get so busy we think it’s okay to take a break from God’s Word.  That’s where we find the rest we truly need.

Letting Go

My daughter fell asleep tonight watching her mommy cry.  She has been having a hard time falling asleep lately, and tonight was the worst it has been.  Her normal “Don’t leave, Mommy” was followed by, “Stay in my room.”  After several unsuccessful attempts at getting her to fall asleep on her own, I gave up and decided to rub her back for her until she fell asleep.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t as asleep as I thought she was when I tried to leave her room…five times.  So, on the sixth attempt, as I was lying next to her on the floor, my frustration boiled out in the form of tears.

What was the cause of my frustration, really?  My pride.  I’m quite proud of the fact that my children can go to bed without all the drama.  We worked very hard with the two older ones to get them to have a regular bedtime routine.  And, we’re in that process now with our new baby.  “How can I get my baby into a bedtime routine,” I wondered, “if my daughter is fighting bedtime so much?”

And then even more questions popped into my mind.  “How can I handle more than three kids?  Do I really want more than three kids?”  I’ve always thought I wanted a big family.  And even now, I usually feel like I want more than three kids.  But I’m starting to see that part of my reasoning for wanting a big family is pride.  I want to show people that I can be a good mom to lots of kids.

Of course, first I need to be a good mom to a few kids.  I know that, with God's help, I am a good mom for my kids.  And yet, I struggle some days with patience.  I struggle with pride.  Some days I struggle just to make sure they have clean clothes and eat good food!

Maybe someday God will give me the chance to be a good mom to lots of kids.  Fortunately, he's giving me practice with just a few right now.  It's amazing how often God uses my kids to teach me a lesson.

Which Mommy?

As I write this, I have a sleeping infant snuggled on my shoulder.  I feel just a little guilty.  Lately, he’s been taking most of his naps in his car seat.  He probably should be sleeping in his crib, since we’re actually home while he’s sleeping, but I have decided to indulge my Mommy heart today.

I’ve been fighting a personal battle lately over which identity gets to win.  I have the Mommy persona, the house wife persona, and the good wife persona.  (I’m sure there are probably more, but these are the ones in conflict right now.)  My house wife persona sees the toys spread throughout the house, the dishes piled up in the sink, the laundry waiting to be folded, and she wants to conquer them all RIGHT NOW!  My good wife persona wants to have a fantastic dinner ready for my husband when he gets home; clean, well-rested children excited to see him; and energy to stay up and help him with his correcting.  My Mommy persona sees three kids who won’t be this little for very long; they want to play with me, they need to snuggle and read books; and they need help being potty trained.

All the things I’ve listed are important, and so I am in conflict.  But today, I remembered part of our Pastor’s sermon from last Sunday.  Jesus let the little children come to him.  He took time from his busy (and much more important) schedule to let the kids know they were important, too.  And so I took a break from the laundry I was folding, put shoes on two little pairs of feet, snuggled a little baby into his carrier and walked defiantly past the piles of toys on my porch.  I put my two oldest in the stroller, and we walked to the park.  I drove the pretend car, vrooming noises and all, to the “hotel”, where I was served rock coffee and leaf cookies.  I was invited to help build a sand tower “way, way, way up to heaven.”  (Perhaps we need a refresher of the tower Babel?)  I helped find the perfect lollipop (a stick the size of my daughter’s hand).  And, as we walked home to make lunch, my heart felt happy.

Of course, the laundry still sits, waiting to be folded.  There are still toys that need putting away.  Dinner is waiting for me to make.  But, I had fun today playing with my kids.  And I am grateful that God has given me the opportunity to have that chance.

I Want My Mommy

An often-heard phrase in our house lately has been, “Mommy, can you don’t leave?”  Ever since we had a few false alarms before our third child was born, my middle child has been nervous about her dad and I leaving in the middle of the night.  We reassure her, quite frequently, that we are here, and that, even when we aren’t, Jesus is with her all the time.

I remember when my parents came out to visit after our oldest was born.  They were here for a week, and the day they left, I sat sobbing in my rocking chair, holding my two-week-old son.  I wanted to scream, “Why did you go?  I don’t know what to do with a baby!  I need my Mommy!”  Instead, I composed myself (after a good, long cry), and got on with the job of learning to be a mommy myself.

If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you realize that I am still in the LEARNING process.  It truly hit me again this week as we dropped my in-laws off at the airport after their week-long visit.  My husband asked them, right before we drove off, “What are we supposed to do now with three kids by ourselves?”  I completely agree with his sentiment.  Figuring out how to get everyone everywhere when they need to be there has been a challenge.  It was nice to have help at home for a week so I could make a quick run—really and truly!  (It’s amazing how freeing it feels to only take one kid out of the house!)

I know many of you have similar situations, living hundreds, or even thousands, of miles away from your family.  It’s hard for us because we feel that we are imposing on the people around us when we need to ask for help. (Being good Lutherans raised in the mid-west, we were taught to help others, but not need that same help ourselves.)  Plus, I have a hard time letting people in to my disheveled house, even if they are there to help me tidy up.

But, even more than the help, I miss seeing my kids interact with their grandparents.  Grandparents are great for lots of things, especially the things Mom and Dad can’t always give into.  And, grandparents are there for Mom and Dad, too, listening and chiming in with advice when necessary.

And so, I spent an evening earlier this week sitting on my sofa next to my husband, sobbing because I miss my family.  Right now, God has us where he wants us.  And, in my saner moments, I can even tell you some of the great things about living where we do (that’ll have to wait for a later post).  I know the old saying is true, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”