A Beautiful Heart

The devil has been working hard to steal my joy lately. I look in the mirror and the first thing that comes to my mind are negative thoughts. As I interact with my kids and other people through the day the negative comments keep running through my mind.
Tonight our Bible story with our kids was the story of Samuel anointing David. My husband and I talked with our kids after reading the story about how God looks at what is inside us. When our heart is full of the Holy Spirit, what comes out is God pleasing and makes us a beautiful person to him.
After we read the Bible story, my daughter shared a devotional story that she thought fit, too. It was based on Matthew 6:25-34. The devotion described a girl sorting through her closet, worrying about what to wear to church. We connected that with the Bible story because some times we get so caught up in worrying about how we look that we forget what is truly important to God.
It didn't really hit me until an hour and a half later that God was speaking to me, too. He doesn't look at the outside fluff. He sees my heart. When my heart is full of self-loathing and anger, there isn't room for Jesus and his love to shine through. I can't be a beautiful person when I focus only on my appearance. But, when I do focus on making my heart pleasing, the way I take care of my appearance is a way to glorify God.

Dear Father,
Forgive me for worrying about what I look like on the outside more than what my heart looks like to you. See Jesus in my heart so that I may be your beautiful daughter. Amen.

My Why

I'm tired. Physically, yes, a little. But I am more tired emotionally and, sadly, spiritually. I feel like I've been on autopilot lately, going through the motions of being a mom, a friend, a child of God. But I'm tired of being mediocre, of being lukewarm, of being tired.
Last night at our last women's Bible study for the school year, a friend said, "We should be in love with Jesus." Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I heard them and thought, "Yes. Yes I should. But I'm not."
It made me sad to think of how many times I have done extra for my husband because of all he does and sacrifices for our family, but I have an apathy toward my life with God. Last night, as I fell asleep, I told God that I wanted to be in love with him.
This morning my Bible reading was Psalm 63. It begins, "You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you..." It struck me that David was in love with God-head-over-heels. And I want to feel that way, too. Today, as I went through my day, my mantra was "I want to be in love with Jesus."
This afternoon, I was watching a Ted talk my coach asked me to view. It's about finding my "why." I felt so convicted by his words, and they weren't at all about being a Christian. But it hit me that I have been settling with mediocrity from myself lately, and it's showing in my relationship with my friends, my kids, my husband, and my Savior.
Part of my homework assignment for today is to come up with my "Why." As I have been thinking this through, struggling and praying, God has given me some clarity (that I only hope grows). Why do I want to do anything?
When I am head-over-heels in love with Jesus, I will be at peace. It's a wonderful feeling. I want other people, particularly other women, to feel that same peace. So, the first part of my why is that I want to have a platform to share Jesus' love with others.
As a coach, I will also be able to encourage other people as they use their bodies to glorify God. As much as I post a proof pic when I'm done working out, I don't really exercise to bring glory to my body. I exercise to be able to use my body to bring glory to God. When I am healthy and active, I am a much better mother: I can physically play with my kids and exercise provides a stress-relief for me that helps me be more peaceful in my interactions with my kids. So here is the other part of my why-sharing the walk through the encouragement of daily interactions around healthy actions.
I pray that I have the opportunity to share the walk with you!

Something Old, Something New

I went for a run tonight. Even though it was raining, I really enjoyed it. I like the alone time and the personal challenge that running provides me. But, because of injury, I haven't been running (other than one time two weeks ago) since I ran a 10K in November.
I have been staying active, using workout videos through Beachbody on Demand. I've been fairly consistent, too, because of different accountability groups I've participated in. Last week, though, I started something I never thought I would do-yoga.
When I've tried yoga in the past, I always giggle through what the instructor is saying. This time, though, I was determined to get past that. And, with the help of some friends, I've been practicing yoga for one whole week.
I wasn't sure I would practice tonight, since I ran. But, I didn't want to disappoint my friends, so I did. Now, if you are familiar with practicing yoga, what I'm about to say won't surprise you. I feel so much stronger and relaxed than I ever have after a run. I still can't do many of the poses without modifying, but I haven't given up and I'm seeing improvement.
Why am I sharing this? I'm excited that I have friends who have helped me try new things and stay committed to exercise, even through injury. Is this something you're interested in? I'd love to help you, too! I will be starting an accountability group on May 1st, and I'd love to have you join me!

Journeys

Over Easter, my parents drove 1000 miles in less than 24 hours to come visit my family. They arrived on Good Friday evening. And because they both have jobs, they left on Easter Sunday afternoon so they could be at work on Tuesday morning.
What an honor it was to have them here (at our new house) for the first time. We cleaned (as much as two adults with five children 8 and younger can clean) and cooked and waited for them to come. While they were here we enjoyed every second of the time we spent with them. And when they had to go, we were sad to see them leave.
It's significant that my parents came over Easter. Their journey has had me thinking of Jesus' journey, the sacrifice he made for me over 2000 year ago. He traveled from heaven to Earth to live and die for me. Do I spend as much time getting ready for Jesus' second coming as I did getting ready for my parents' visit? Not at all!
But Jesus does not regret coming for me, or for you either. He simply asks us to love him and know that he has done the rest. And this is what motivates us to do all the other things: to share Jesus with others; to cook and clean; to care for children; to drive the bus. Whatever you or I do we do it to honor Jesus for the honor he bestowed on us by making us God's forgiven children.
I pray that when my children are grown I will have the opportunity to share my love for them the way my parents showed me their love over Easter. Now I have the opportunity to show my love for my Savior in everything I do.

Whistle While You Work

I was so excited to move to our new house because the dining room has a tile floor. In our old house, the dining room was carpeted, and you can imagine what that looked like after 8 years and 5 kids. Even when a spill was caught immediately, the carpet retained a small stain.

We're riding on the train, mama!

But what I've learned is that sweeping the dining room floor is a process. It's one that I put off longer than I should. I'm glad that I have a friend come to my house three days a week so that I at least get the floors swept then!

Today as I was frantically sweeping before my friend arrived, I was also going over my to-do list for Thanksgiving. Overwhelmed is a little too steep, but I was close. But then I heard choo-choo noises coming from the doorway. My folded-over floor runner (yes, it is a carpet remnant from the boys' room upstairs!) was the perfect spot to play. And while they played, they sang. I wish I could have caught all the singing on a video for you, because there is nothing like two two-year-olds singing "Jesus Loves Me" loud enough for the world to hear!

This wonderful moment took my mind off of all the things I put on my list and helped me live in the moment. I'm so thankful God gave that moment to me today and I pray he gives you a few of those types of moments in the busy days ahead!

Facebook Friends

Do you ever think no one needs you? Do you feel that you are not significant, that you haven't really helped anyone in a long time? I do. I know my kids need me, but I often feel that outside of these five littles I am not really making a contribution to anyone. Maybe that's one reason I write these blog posts...
Anyway, today I want to encourage you. I have been blessed by reading several different Facebook posts today, and I seriously doubt that the people who wrote them had the intention of helping me when they wrote. You, my friends from MLC that I rarely see beyond a picture of you on Facebook; you, my family spread throughout the country; you, my church family; all of you are such a blessing. Seeing your pictures of your littles playing baseball and swimming and going to the park; reading your stories from preschool and high school and the library; commiserating with you when you and your family are sick; these all encourage me to keep doing what God has given me to do.
Social media has gotten a bad rap lately--adults are addicted to it, kids can't look people in the eye. But this is one girl who is thankful for all her Facebook Friends today. God bless you all!

I am not super mom

I have been called super mom more times than I can count by some wonderful, well-meaning people.  These friendly folks don't have the opportunity to see me in action at home, surrounded by five kids most of the time. But today I will give you a glimpse.
This morning I took my first post-baby (meaning, I had my three littlest plus my friends two kiddos) shopping trip to Aldi. The kids were great! We returned home and I unloaded the car, fed the baby and set to work unpacking all the great groceries. Enter the new technology I have added to try to earn a little extra money for my family: I must scan the barcode for every product purchased on a shopping trip, and enter it's price. So, as I worked to complete these tasks, the baby got lonely and started fussing. Hearing the baby fuss got the next two (ages 18 months and 2 years) worked up.  They started fighting. My three year old got upset that they were fighting and started shoving them apart. Before long, I had four crying children (out of five), and three sitting in time out. I wanted to sit down and cry myself. Or at least sit down and snuggle my baby and forget the world of crabby toddlers (who were really just hangry).
If you had been here, you would have seen first hand how un-super I am. I totally need God to get through every single part of my day. It is only by his grace that I get to continue caring for these wonderful blessings.