I Forgive You

I failed my children miserably today.  They didn’t take a nap during their nap time, which made them (and me) quite crabby.  After giving up the pretense of napping, they came downstairs and tried to play.  And so I thought I had a chance to “veg.”  One built a tent; the other pulled it apart.  One drove cars; the other stomped on the roads.  And then it really began.  They proceeded to bite, fight, hit, kick, scream and yell.  And instead of distracting them, separating them, putting them in time out, and talking to them about their sin, I yelled.  I let Satan work in my heart and I got mad.  So mad that I ended up in tears on the floor trying to pick up toys.

I sat there praying.  Perhaps that sounds noble, but my prayer was more of a pity party.  It was something like, “Dear God, help my children behave better.  I can’t do this anymore.  It’s too stressful.”

And then my youngest came out and said, “Mommy, are you crying?  I forgive you.”  Now, what she really meant was, “I’m sorry.”  She tends to get the two mixed up still.  But those words, “I forgive you,” are what I really needed to hear.  They made me realize that I truly had failed my children today.  They helped me see that, even more, I failed my God.  They led me to ask Him to forgive me.  And, even though they made me sob even harder for a minute, those words helped fill my heart with true joy.  God showed me how truly I am blessed through my children.

The Bible story that came to mind almost immediately was that of Jesus forgiving and healing the paralyzed man.  If you aren’t familiar with it, please read Mark 2:1-12.  I thought I needed children who were better behaved.  But, God knew I needed to see my need for a Savior and to know that He truly forgives me.

I’d like to say this is a one-time occurrence.  I’d like to say that it won’t happen again.  But I know it will, mostly because it has happened before (not quite as dramatically as it happened today).  And yet I have the comfort that God will forgive me for the many, many more times I will fail my children.  Thanks be to Him for his patience!

When Will I Learn?

My doctor put me on bed rest last week.  As she put it, I am the best incubator for my baby right now.  Once I walked out the door of my doctor’s office, I broke down.  My husband and I are anxious to meet our third child, but we want him to be healthy enough to come home right away.  And, who would help take care of my two other children at home.  My family lives hundreds and thousands of miles away.  And, I’d been helping my husband prepare for his new school year.  What would he do without my help?

However, I have been very blessed.  My church family has been wonderful, sending their teenage daughters over to entertain my kids, making us meals, and taking my preschooler and toddler to play at their houses.  Even though these people are wonderful Christians, I experience a certain amount of trepidation sending my children off to their houses.  Will my children behave?  Will they play nicely with their friends?  Will someone else take as good care of my kiddos as I do?

See, one of my pet sins is worrying.  I like to be in control, and when God says to me, “You have to give up the control and let me take care of things,” I tend to freak out.  I forget (or purposely put out of my mind) my favorite Bible passage, a passage that is my confirmation verse, was the sermon text at the opening service my first year of college, was the theme passage for the school my first year of teaching, and was the text my husband and I chose for our wedding sermon.  Please look it up--Psalm 25:4,5.

What a wonderful prayer for a compulsive worrier.  God’s ways are much better than anything I can plan or prepare.  I have an excuse to let my housekeeping slide (at least for a few weeks)!  I can sit on my couch and work on all the fun craft projects that I’ve started and not finished.  I am experiencing God’s grace as he sends more and more people to help me and my family.  What a blessing!
P.S.  I was taken off bed rest this week!

Mary and Martha

As the mother of two children, ages 4 and 2, and a third on the way, I have a weekly struggle.  How are we going to handle church?  I’ve read and gotten much good advice:  Have your four-year-old squeeze your hand every time he hears the pastor say a specific word; Practice going to church at home; Say a prayer before church starts with your children; Bring a quiet activity for your two-year-old to work on.  Yet, every Sunday I still feel a small panic before church starts.  Will I have a screamer today?  Will we get stares from the surrounding members?  Will someone loudly ask, “Are we done yet?” half way through the sermon?  Perhaps you can relate.

Last Sunday, God worked a small realization in my life.  As I was sitting with my two-year-old, trying to keep her quietly occupied, I noticed my husband sitting, listening intently to God’s Word.  At first I was irritated.  Couldn’t he see that our son was about to start stacking hymnals and Bibles and that I needed help?  But, as I thought, a Bible story came to mind:  Mary and Martha.  If you don’t know the story, read Luke 10:38-42.

Don’t get me wrong.  I need to take time to teach my children how to behave in church.  But haven’t we always learned the best way to teach is by setting a good example?  My children will learn how important God’s word is when I set the example of listening for them.

I will continue to use the suggestions people have shared with me.  I will continue to pray with my children before church starts.  But I will also pray that God helps ME focus on his word, too.