A Good Reminder

My husband and I have had conversations with several parents in the past few weeks about their children’s behaviors.  The children range in age from toddlers to adults.  And yet, all of the conversations have been focused on how to get children to behave in the appropriate way.

I’m always surprised when people ask how I get my children to behave.  After all I spend much of my day reminding them not to poke each other in the eye; asking them to pick up their toys and clothes; putting someone on the step for hitting someone else; and the list goes on and on.  How should I know how to get kids to behave?

Then, when a woman at Target asked me how I kept my oldest two from running away from me while shopping (they were walking alongside the cart), I really had to stop and think.  I’ve never really had a problem with someone running off while shopping (although, I can see that this might be a problem VERY soon with number three!).  How do I get my children to behave?

The answer came to me as we loaded up in the van.  My daughter began singing and asked us all to join her.  We were singing various Bible songs—“Jesus Loves Me,” “Jesus Loves the Little Children,” “The B-I-B-L-E” and so on.

It really isn’t me (or my husband) who gets the children to behave.  (And to be truthful, they really aren’t my children.)  It’s the Holy Spirit working inside of His children, helping them to show love to one another, to share their faith, to listen and obey.

So what’s my role, then, as their Mama?  Can I just sit back and let them go, now that they’ve been baptized?  Wouldn’t that be nice?

Hopefully you already understand my role.  My role is to continue to remind them, again and again, what God-pleasing behavior is.  It’s to use the tools God has given me: His word, earthly discipline and LOVE.

My two oldest are starting to understand the ways of the world.  This evening, my daughter said to me, “Mama, you are being mean!”  My oldest son chimed in, “Don’t you love her, mama?”  I explained to both of them that sometimes it takes something that seems mean to show love.  I love my kids so much that I need to use discipline to correct the behavior so that it doesn’t continue and eventually lead to something much worse.

I’ve commented to more than a few mothers that I’m glad my kids behave when they are with other people, but that I wish they would occasionally behave so well for me.  As the woman in Target pointed out, I wasn’t really paying attention very well.  I sometimes become so focused on the difficult task of training up my children that I miss seeing them put their training into practice.  I pray God helps me see the wonders He is working everyday.

The Fourth Commandment

We’ve been working with our kids on showing respect.   Especially since our oldest has started school, we seem to have more “No”s being said in our house.  My husband and I have repeatedly reminded our children of the Fourth Commandment in which God tells us to honor our parents and others in authority.

It’s a hard job for all of us, isn’t it?  I remember my first real fight with my dad.  It happened just before I left for college.  I signed up for a credit card over the phone.  Back then, we didn’t have to worry as much about identity theft.  I thought it was a good idea for emergencies.  My dad was upset that I hadn’t consulted him.  And, since I felt like and adult, I yelled at him.  I still regret how angry I was with my dad.  Fortunately, my parents had instilled in me a responsibility with money and I didn’t get into trouble with my credit card in college.

Even though I don’t think I’ve had a hard time honoring and respecting my parents lately (let me know if I’m wrong, Mom and Dad), I still struggle with the Fourth Commandment.  God tells us to honor those in authority.  It’s that simple.

Do I honor the authority when I speed, even just to keep up with traffic?  Do I honor authority when I complain about the taxes I have to pay?  What kind of an example do I set for my children?

Where I live I have seen many people struggling to honor authority this past month.  People are frustrated with the Government, with our President and with our elected leaders.  As citizens of a democracy we have the right to be frustrated and to voice our frustration.  But I have heard and read people’s frustration growing into disrespect.  They are not honoring the people God has put over us as our leaders by their words and actions.

As a citizen, I am equally frustrated by the choices made by the government officials.  But that does not give me the license to call those people names or to belittle them.

So what should I do?

First and foremost, I can pray.  And I have been.  I pray regularly for our government, for our President and for the people we have elected to make decisions for us.  And I thank God for the blessing I have to live in a democratic society.  Secondly, as I voice my opinion and my concern for the government, I can use respectful language.  And, finally, I can educate myself and be prepared to vote in a way that shows my concern for the government.

I ask you, my fellow Americans, to remember the Fourth Commandment as you live your lives as citizens of this nation.

My Children, the Squirrels

Today I vacuumed out our van.  It took me almost an hour…and it’s just a minivan.  Part of the reason (actually, most of the reason) it took that long is because my children had squirreled away books, left over snacks, socks and shoes in the back seat.  It’s as though they wanted to be prepared for spending the rest of the fall in the van.  The most amazing part to me is that I vacuumed up more than 15 walnut/acorn/tree nuts.  I’m pretty sure that there is another one hiding away somewhere, too.

Of course, I am somewhat like my children.  I like to be prepared.  I keep extra socks and shoes for my two oldest in the van in case they decide to leave the house without footwear (which has happened more than once).  I also have diapers and wipes stored away, lest we accidentally forget to stock the diaper bag/backpack.

Speaking of our diaper bag, you should see what I’ve put in there!  Diapers, wipes, extra outfits for four children, books, toys, extra snacks, pens and pencils.  And then there’s my stuff.  Since I have to tote a backpack, I’ve decided to stop carrying a purse.  So, all the things that once resided in my purse also are crammed into the backpack.

While it is good to be prepared, I had a revelation as I was vacuuming.  In Bible class on Sunday, one of our friends reminded us that we should be squirrelling away more than just things.  He encouraged us to keep Bible passages at our fingertips.  Or, more specifically, at the tip of our memories.  And, just knowing a verse, without the reference, wasn’t enough for him.  He pointed out that we need to be able to open our Bibles and show those references to the people we come in contact with.

And so, for the first time in much, much too long, I’ve set about doing just that: squirrelling away treasures from the Bible.  I don’t have the fancy smart phone app that our friend suggested using (mostly because I don’t have a smart phone).  But, I do have a Bible and time to repeat a verse again and again.  So here it is:  Psalm 50:15—Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me.

I hope you have some time to start doing some squirrelling of your own.  Maybe you can cheat (like I did) and learn your kids’ memory passages with them.  Or, maybe you have a part of the Bible you want to know better.  But, there’s nothing better than to have God’s word hidden away in your heart and memory.

Welcome!

Today I toted three kids to the doctor, and the appointment wasn’t actually for any of them.  It was for me.  I was following up with my “family” doctor about my post-partum depression.  I use the word “family” haltingly, though, and here’s why.

As we were not taken back to the room where we would be seeing the doctor until half an hour after our scheduled appointment time, the two little boys (my one-year-old and the 6 month-old I baby sit) were getting quite restless.  I held the youngest as I pushed the double stroller with my daughter and son into the room.  The nurse was polite and asked if I needed help and smiled at the kids as she ran through the reasons I was there.  I mentioned the follow-up and that I am currently pregnant again.  She smiled and went to get the doctor.

As the doctor walked in, she just looked at me holding a baby, singing to all three, and shook her head in surprise and disbelief.  “Didn’t we talk about birth control?” she asked.  “You have two in diapers.”

I pointed out that only one of mine is currently in diapers, that I’ve always had two in diapers when a new baby comes around, and that my two oldest children will be in school full time next year.  But, she interrupted me.

“What are you and your husband going to do?  Four is enough.  Surgery for him or you?”

I assured her that we would talk about it, too shocked at the chastising I was receiving to offer any other protests.

Welcome to the world, my new little one.

See, today, many people look on family as a burden, not a blessing.  They assume that parents would much rather selfishly spend their money on toys to make their lives happier instead of providing for future generations.  They look at parents with pity instead of encouraging them to do their best to raise loving children.

But, my new little one, you don’t need to worry.  It’s not that your dad and I love you so much already, that we’ll do the best we can to take care of you, that we’ll raise you to be a loving and loved child.  Those are true.  But, my baby, even more wonderful is that you have a heavenly Father who is looking after you at all times.  He is the one who decided the time was right to bring you into our family (even if your dad and I were VERY surprised).  He is the one who holds you in His hand constantly, keeping you safe.  And He is the one who wants you to be a part of His heavenly kingdom one day.

To give my doctor the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she was just looking out for my mental health.  I wish she had taken the time, though, to ask about the joy I have in caring for my family and the privilege of caring for another mommy’s precious little boy.  I wish she had inquired as to the welfare of my children.  I wish, at the very least, she had offered me congratulations.

Tonight, I’ll include her in my prayers.  I pray that God gives her the opportunity to see the blessing that family can be.  I pray that she recognize it as a gift from Him.  I pray that she learn to know Jesus as her Savior.

I’ll pray for you, too, Baby.  I pray that God blesses you your whole life with a love for him that will show itself in many ways.  And, I pray that God blesses you with a family of your own one day to love and care for, just as he has given me the blessing of a wonderful and very full family.

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

This past weekend I got to go running with my sister.  It was the second time this summer that we got to do that.  Considering I see my sister two or three times a year, the fact that we (both mothers) had time to go running was AWESOME.  I am so thankful God gave us the opportunity to spend time together.

While we were running this second time, a gentle rain began falling.  It wasn’t really a nuisance until we were on our way back from our turn-around point.  As I was running up a slight hill, I tried to focus on a distant point to keep myself from stopping on the hill.  But, the rain started to speckle my glasses and make it hard for me to see the road sign I had selected as my goal.  If my sister hadn’t been running beside me, I probably would have stopped just because I couldn’t focus on the goal I had set for myself.

And then, God whacked me over the head.  “Isn’t that just like life?” he asked me.

Through the second half of my run, I really started to contemplate that thought.  How often do we set out with good intentions, only to lose our focus and stop.  My big example this summer has been exercise.  I thought that summer would be the perfect time to get back into the habit of daily exercise.  And, I started off in June quite well.  But I let the distractions of being on vacation get in the way.

Sometimes, my goals are less earthly-minded.  I often fall off the wagon of daily Bible reading because I’m too tired or think I don’t have time.  Or my prayer life struggles because I can’t think of exactly the right words to say.

But, God has given me many, many people who help me with my goals, who help me keep my focus even through the distractions.  My husband is the main one.  He sets a wonderful example of Bible reading and praying for me to follow and makes sure we have Bible reading time together every night.  My mom is another.  She helps remind me of the importance of praying for my kids and of consistent exercise.   And then there’s my sister and sisters-in-law.  They are such wonderful examples of Godly mothers working hard at whatever it is that God has given them to do.

I pray that you have someone (or more than just one!) in your life who encourages you when you get distracted.  And if you don’t, let me know.  We may just be able to help each other!

"That" Mom...

This afternoon, I marched two crying out of Target.
I had finally made it out of the house in the late afternoon pre-rush hour traffic all the way to "The Escalator Target"--the new Target that is located on the fourth floor in a shopping complex.  My daughter needs new underwear, and I needed pickling salt and alum to finish making my pickles.  Did you catch it?  My daughter still needs new underwear.
That's because after we had picked out the (more expensive) Hello Kitty underwear and started our search for pickling salt and alum, the "Can I have"s began.  My two oldest know the shopping rule:  We purchase only the things on our list.  And so, after discovering a complete lack of pickling salt and alum and about 15 "Can we get"s in 10 minutes, we put back the underwear and started to leave the store.
Putting back the underwear crushed my daughter and brought on the frustrated tears.  And my oldest son, who has been annoyed by his sister all day today, tried to remedy the situation by punching her in the chest.
I could feel the stares of other women as we walked down the steps (no escalator as a consequence), marched through the doors, had to stop in the parking ramp as my daughter threw herself to the ground and my son yanked his hand out of mine, and finally made it to the van.  The employee corralling carts stared quite openly as I put my children's hands on the back of the van as I buckled their brother into his car seat.  As I was buckling my daughter into her car seat, we heard the distinct wail of sirens.
"Do you hear that?" I asked.
"Yes," said my son.  "Why are they coming?"
And then I became THAT Mom.
"Do you think they're coming because of you?" I asked.
His eyes shot wide open as he quickly buckled his seat belt.  My daughter, who was only red in the face, started crying hysterically yet again.
"We're sorry, Mama!" they both pleaded.  "Don't let the police come!"
In my mind, I knew what a mean thing I had done to my children.  But I felt justified.  They had been so naughty.  I was so embarrassed to have to take my screaming kids out of Target.  I was frustrated at the fruitless journey.
And that was when I realized how much I needed forgiveness.  So, as I buckled my seat belt, we all bowed our heads and prayed, asking God to forgive us for our poor behavior. Fortunately, as we drove past the police cars and fire trucks stopped at the car accident, my son said, "Don't worry Mom.  They had to go to a real emergency."
Later on this afternoon, we survived a trip to Giant.  I was successful in finding the alum; hopefully Kosher salt will be an acceptable substitute for pickling salt (apparently not that many people make their own pickles out here).  As I was making dinner, listening to my two oldest playing, I realized what a blessing it is that the police DON'T come and take them away.  Sometimes, I'm sure I deserve to have that happen.