Blessings in Disguise

I just finished reading my Bible.  I’ve been a little lax lately in my personal Bible study.  And, God just whacked me over the head.  It’s amazing.

I opened my Bible to my new favorite Psalm—119.  I’ve been reading and praying through it, all though, I can’t really use the word “lately.”  It amazes me how positive this Psalm is even though it is obvious the writer is suffering.  One of the verses I just read is a prime example.  “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.

And I realized how true this verse is to my life.  You see, before I was wallowing in the pits of postpartum depression, I was in the same place I am now.  I read the Bible with my husband at night before bed.  I read Bible stories with my kids.  I went to Bible study.  But I didn’t really have a personal connection with God through his word.

Then, at Christmas, my Mom gave me a book.  I really wasn’t looking for something more to do—I felt burdened under the weight of being a mom to three kids and a wife and a homemaker and a piano teacher and ….the list kept going.  I really just wanted to stay at my parents’ house and let them run my life for me again.  Instead, I read the book and was encouraged to start reading my Bible, praying through the Psalms.

At first, I felt strange, writing prayers based on the Psalms.  I couldn’t always make the writers’ feelings meld with mine.  But, the more I read, the easier it got.  And then, I embarked on a many-month journey.  It really shouldn’t have been, but I started reading Psalm 119 in March.  And I still haven’t made it all the way through.

And here’s why, I think.  I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, started taking medication, and it started working.  I’m feeling more and more like my old self every day.  This is really unfortunate because now I feel as though I don’t need to read the Bible as faithfully.  I’m not clinging to God’s promises in utter desperation, trying to survive the storms of life.  I’ve felt pretty good about how my life is going, and I haven’t kept up the good connection I need to God’s word.

But God threw another stumbling block my way.  And tonight I was led back to my Bible, back to my favorite Psalm.  And God reminded me why I need to be whacked over the head time and time again.  These afflictions keep me tied to Him, my Salvation.

Tonight my prayer is this: Father, forgive me.  Thank you for afflicting me.  Keep me true and close to you.  Amen.